Dinners with Ruth: A Memoir on the Power of Friendships by Nina Totenberg

Dinners with Ruth: A Memoir on the Power of Friendships (2022)by Nina Totenberg was our selection for  September 23rd. Lauded National Public Radio legal affairs correspondent Totenberg’s book chronicles her almost half a century long friendship with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. We enjoyed the book, although it lacks the personal detail, or first hand sense of intimacy, or sensory granular texture we realize we expected from a memoir (rather than say a more formal biography).

In her September 13, 2022 review for The New York Times. Susan Dominus describes the book as:

a loosely organized account of her [Totenberg’s] own life, and the role of Ginsburg (among other friends) in it, has a genial, likable tone. Totenberg’s stories are lively but never go on too long; she appears to reflexively turn the reader’s attention to the generosity or small kindnesses of others. She writes, without pretension or self-congratulation, about moments of journalistic triumph of which she has every right to be proud. She is also unfailingly discreet, a quality that the reader must concede reflects well on her as a friend. It serves her less well as the author of a memoir whose most central character, outside of Totenberg herself, is one of the most influential, fascinating and, to some, frustrating women of the last century.

My recent inclusion in the Senior Center’s creative writing/memoir Zoom group provided by Litquake informed my own awareness of the ways in which memoir draws on fictional techniques and differs not only from scholarly writing, my usual form,  but also differs from journalism. We realized that we could get more information about Ruth Bader Ginsburg from other sources, and that while we enjoyed the historical information and personal touches, we wished either for the book to be more of a memoir or more of a biography. 

However, we all found the book generally enjoyable. Totenberg’s journalistic skill provides the reader with lots of information, and her account of friendships and the tending of friendship is an important reminder for readers of any age. As seniors, Totenberg’s discussion of the past reminded us of historical times we also experienced.  And we enjoyed the behind the scenes observations of members of the Supreme Court, Tottenberg’s colleagues at National Public Radio, and the accounts of friendship networks in Washington, D.C.

The personal bits were most powerful for us. Totenberg’s most moving stories are about how the two women helped one another through the grave illnesses of their husbands. The reporter’s first husband was the late Senator from Colorado Floyd Haskell, a man 26 years older than herself, who died after they were married for 15 years and she shares the advice and wisdom Bader Ginsberg offered her during that difficult time, notably to tend to her work and not lose herself in endless days of waiting in the hospital. 

We all agreed that while we are glad we read it, we wished to learn more about both Totenburg and Ginsburg than this very discreet book offers.